Humor Fortunes

“You will find happiness with a new love... probably your cat.”

“A closed mouth gathers no foot.”

“You will be hungry again in one hour.”

“Help! I'm being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!”

“The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

“You are not illiterate.”

“Ignore previous fortune.”

“You will receive a fortune cookie.”

“Beware of cookies bearing fortunes.”

“You are reading a fortune cookie.”

“Your future is as bright as your past is dark... which isn't saying much.”

“You will soon be hungry again. Order more Chinese food.”

“A wise man once said nothing. He was probably eating.”

“Your lucky numbers are: All of them. You'll need the luck.”

“Today you will make progress... toward your refrigerator.”

“The answer you seek is in another cookie.”

“Your socks will bring you great fortune... if you wear them.”

“You will soon meet a tall, dark stranger... in the mirror.”

“Error 404: Fortune not found.”

“This fortune intentionally left blank.”

“You will find what you're looking for in the last place you look. Obviously.”

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step... and comfortable shoes.”

“Your pet goldfish is plotting against you.”

“Congratulations! You can read.”

“You have just wasted time reading this fortune.”